


polygraph eyes

by burninmatches



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, me using fanfic as therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burninmatches/pseuds/burninmatches
Summary: Bucky eventually finds out about what happened to you. His reaction was not what you expected.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	polygraph eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I don’t really know what made me write this, probably the need to vent. I’ve been holding this on my chest for a very long time and somehow, the bad feelings bred… this. Sorta based on personal experiences. I hope you enjoy, feedback is greatly appreciated as always :)  
> Also, this is slightly based on the song Polygraph Eyes by Yungblud.

He looked at you with no specific expression on his face. His blue orbits travelled from your wet cheeks to your eyes, searching desperately for anything your body language was willing to show him. The sparkle of fear was obvious on your gaze - not of him, no. The crashing weight on your chest was the fear of Bucky leaving you after hearing about what happened to you.

You don’t remember how the conversation started. One minute you were having a nice night inside, watching another Netflix series and eating some take out. Something small, something dumb triggered you. The other, your breathing became unsteady as tears streamed down your face. The word vomit began before you considered shutting your mouth. Not once has Barnes interrupted you. For the first time, the words you longed to hear finally left his lips.

“I believe you.” His voice sounds rough, opposing to such lovely words.

You stay silent, words dead on your heart, unable to find their way outside of your mouth. Your brain struggled to connect with reality, too afraid that everything would melt in your hands, leaving you alone once again. As much as you wanted to, you were unable to get a grasp on what was happening. Such moment felt like it belonged to someone else’s life. Did you deserve that much?

You stay silent, words dead on your heart, unable to find their way outside of your mouth. Your brain struggled to connect with reality, too afraid that everything would melt in your hands, leaving you alone once again. As much as you wanted to, you were unable to get a grasp on what was happening. Such moment felt like it belonged to someone else’s life. Did you deserve that much?

“I do.” He tries again, observing the look on your face. For the first time since he met you, you looked… fragile. Breakable. Bucky’s heart swelled with agony. The mere thought of anyone hurting you made him want to puke. He never felt this angry and heartbroken in his life.

“I was drunk and high at the moment and-” the automatic words that leave your lips mean one thing: it wasn’t that big of a deal. You were so used to pretending like it was nothing, pretending that it didn’t affect you. For so long you were told that it wasn’t cruelty for whatever reason the devil’s advocate had to defend your abuser that you started to doubt yourself. From time to time, you’re certain your brain just made the whole thing up for attention.

“No.” He interrupts you, holding your hand. “_____, that’s abuse. It doesn’t matter the circumstances, that wasn’t your fault.”

Another first time today: not only did he believe you, he fought in order to make you understand that. He didn’t ask you why you didn’t report your abuser. Never, not even for a split of a second he looked like he doubted you. He didn’t ask what you were wearing. Hell, he believed you without a second question.

“Bucky…” You whisper, voice as weak as your legs. Unable to say anything else, you look at him. The light on the end of the tunnel never looked so bright on the reflection of his eyes.

“I’m here for you.” He starts, voice begging you to comprehend how much he cares. "For whatever you need. We can talk about whatever makes you uncomfortable, I can take you to therapy, you can tell me who did this to you so I can-“ His monologue would have lasted hours if you didn’t interject.

"Bucky.” Your voice repeats his name, a little more lightheartedly this time. “I can handle it.”

“Oh, I know you can.” He declares, like it’s obvious. “You just… don’t have to.”

You can do this alone, but you don’t have to. The impact of his words doesn’t go unnoticed. Your glassy eyes are hard to read, trying to refuse again the vulnerability of the moment. Perhaps he’s right: you could use some therapy.

The truth is, your guardian angels never prepared you for the situation you faced. College party, drinks, and drugs: a bit of fun turns to regret. And men - men who thought they had (or didn’t need) your consent. Men who you were no knew you couldn’t defend yourself like this. A specific one got his hands on you after your words became a bit too slurred to understand. You couldn’t run, you couldn’t walk. He heard what he wanted when you couldn’t even talk.

It took you a while to realize that what happened was abuse. You told a friend like it was just some crazy night. After spending countless nights having nightmares, crying yourself to sleep and blaming yourself, your brain finally processed what happened. Turns out it wasn’t just a crazy night - when you realized that, your world fell into crumbles at your feet. . It’s strange, the passage of time, when you’re iced up in the valleys of fear. You couldn’t pick up the pieces. You felt like a broken porcelain doll, with a great hole in her chest and polygraph eyes. Wrecked, filthy, hopeless.

And then… Bucky happened. A sweet guy, who took his time to win you, never was pushing your boundaries. Always a gentleman, continuously hitting the walls you built around yourself. Except this time, your castle filled with ghosts finally disintegrated. The monsters who kept you awake at night were now drowning in your tears. And, when the world collapsed on your shoulders once again, Barnes was there to catch you.

“I told you, you don’t need to worry about anything when you have me.” There’s not a single drop of lies on his voice. For once, you’re hearing the truth: and for once, you believed it.

“We’re gonna be okay, as long as we have each other.” The words of a man with a dark past are more important than they seem. The reassurance that everything would be alright, despite the odds, scream through every crack of Bucky’s voice. There’s no other word to describe the moment, except raw. “You’re way more than what happened to you.”

His calloused hands hold your smaller ones, brushing the uneven skin against your fingertips. You took a deep breath, filling your lungs with freshness. The air reintroduces itself with promises, kindness and strength. Your gaze is glued to the ground, not knowing what else to say or do. A million questions clogged your mind, old and new ones. The words of people who never believed you were now losing their importance. The moments you spent alone because your friends didn’t want to be around you anymore, the way they couldn’t drown with you so they simply drift away, was now a long lost memory. Nothing else mattered.

The both of you stay still, frozen in the delicacy of the instant. His arms eventually wrap around your smaller frame, keeping you safe against his chest. Bucky’s lips find your forehead, sealing the promises of keeping you safe. The amount of days you spent blaming yourself was no longer relevant. It wasn’t and it would never be your fault.

The drip of your bleeding soul finally stops. You didn’t expect to be completely healed after just a conversation, to be honest your expectations were slim to none. You never knew what expect when it came to this. However, the way he proved to have your back left you speechless. For once, you knew you would be fine. For once, it felt like you could pick up the pieces and move on.


End file.
